After posting the first list of the ten biggest fallacies about vampires I decided to add on a few more just to clear up the muddy water surrounding this somewhat touchy subject. Vampires are often romanticized; look at "The Lost Boys", "Interview With The Vampire", "Twilight" and "Blade" and you see the bloodsucking creatures of the night portrayed as enthralling, alluring, captivating and almost irresistible. The trouble with that is not every vampire looks like Brad Pitt or has the charisma of Tom Cruise (that was hard to type because Tom Cruise would make a better zombie than a vampire).
In case you missed the previous articles, you can catch theme here:
Vampires - Zombies - Werewolves - Faeries, Elves, Trolls
(1) Accents: (Thanks Sheryl Young) No, not every vampire has an accent although I did know a guy named Vinnie from Brooklyn that was a half-vampire. He looked like something that stepped out of a late 70's casting call for Saturday Night Fever. The accent is what killed me (literally). Vamps can don an accent to flirt or get out of a sticky situation so beware of their trickery. The worst accent pick for a vampire? Anything Asian, "I want to suck your blood" doesn't sound all that sexy in Chinese.
(2) Capes & Top Hats: OK, I have to stop this one post haste. When was the last time you were at the mall and saw someone in a cape with a top hat? One of the biggest missions of a vampire is to blend in and by dressing in flamboyant fashion, you aren't exactly going to mix in with the suburban crowd now are you? Sure, people (mortals) like to dress up like Dracula for Halloween but try pulling that in McAllen, Texas in the middle of summer and see how far you get before you hear the click of a double barrel shotgun.
(3) Invisibility: Vampires can't appear in photographs. False. Vampires can't cast a reflection in a mirror. False. Vampires can make themselves invisible. Sometimes. This is a tricky subject as some vampires have stronger abilities than others. Most vampires can choose to make themselves non-reflective in photographs and with mirrors but actually making yourself invisible takes a lot of physical and mental energy and can leave your drained and somewhat defenseless. Get rid of that concept of an Invisibility Cloak, that is Harry Potter fodder.
(4) Cats: Vampires don't like cats. Well, I know a lot of humans (mortals) that don't like cats. Its personal preference. A lot of this has to do with mummy's not liking cats - which is another fallacy that was based on Egyptian lore. Egyptians worshipped felines and often entombed them with their dead for companionship. It is said that mummies that were cursed feared the spirits of the cats as they were protectors. This has nothing to do with vampires so please, don't assume a vampire stole your kitty if it goes missing.
(5) Party Like A Rock Star: I have known some very intense vampires that could party with the professionals but eventually it takes its toll. There are certain human constraints that you are bound to; after all you are still inside a human body and if you suck down Red Bull and push your body to its limit, your flesh sack will start to decompose quicker than a body on the death farm.
(6) Time Travel: Good lord. Are we seriously still clinging to this misnomer? Darren Shan made mention of something close to time travel in his Cirque Du Freak series but had a much better explanation of it. It isn't time travel but rather the ability to move faster than the human (mortal) can comprehend. Some mortals do possess the power to see a vampire moving at lightening fast speed and those are usually the ones that become minions.
(7) You Have A Sexy Neck! It isn't a requirement to bite someone on the neck to bleed them or feed from them. Do you limit yourself to only using a fork or spoon to eat food? No. So why would vampires limit themselves to only the neck area. This goes back to those silly, sappy movies of a vampire seducing a woman. That alone has sold more gothic noir than any teen or tween vamp themed movie. Personally, the thigh is the best area to work with. It's meaty and in a somewhat private area so the fleshie (mortal) can go about his or her daily life without having people stare at them. If you thought a hickie was bad, imagine taking the subway with a huge gash in your neck.
(8) Verbosity: Most mortals think that vampires are highly educated. Some are but most benefit from hundreds of years of trial and error. Ever see a dog run into a sliding glass door when it sees a bird outside? The same thing happens with vampires. Make the same mistake over and over again and finally it sinks in. Don't feed off of those who are intoxicated, don't go running around blabbing that some hot chick turned you into a vampire and watch your manners when eating a steak in a restaurant. Some vampires can charm the pants off of anyone, that isn't something that is inherent to vamps - it's just that they've had years to perfect their con.
(9) Technologically Challenged: Think a vampire can Tweet on Twitter? You are so completely wrong. While the old school vampires often shun things like computers, cable television and microwaves the new breed embrace technology. It makes staying in contact a lot easier. Before you say, "But Freak, why can't they just use their mental powers to communicate?" If that was on your mind I invite you to step in a little closer so I can slap you. Stop watching and believing all those late night movies! If vamps used mental powers to communicate you would be hearing more voices than Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty". Modern vampires are also addicted to text messaging but I have to admit I am rather nauseated with their little iconic tags like "BYL" (bite you later) or "YSBINGW" (you suck but in a good way).
(10) No Sense of Humor: I will admit it, there are some creatures of the night that are just boring. They take everything way too seriously and if you crack a joke about them looking a little pale or what their favorite blood type is, they throw a royal fit. Thankfully most have a hearty sense of humor and don't get too uptight when fleshies crack a few jokes at their expense. One thing you don't want to do is get "touchy feely" with a vamp. Some really hate to be touched by anyone so a human encroaching on their personal space is enough to set them off.
In case you missed the previous articles, you can catch theme here:
Vampires - Zombies - Werewolves - Faeries, Elves, Trolls
(1) Accents: (Thanks Sheryl Young) No, not every vampire has an accent although I did know a guy named Vinnie from Brooklyn that was a half-vampire. He looked like something that stepped out of a late 70's casting call for Saturday Night Fever. The accent is what killed me (literally). Vamps can don an accent to flirt or get out of a sticky situation so beware of their trickery. The worst accent pick for a vampire? Anything Asian, "I want to suck your blood" doesn't sound all that sexy in Chinese.
(2) Capes & Top Hats: OK, I have to stop this one post haste. When was the last time you were at the mall and saw someone in a cape with a top hat? One of the biggest missions of a vampire is to blend in and by dressing in flamboyant fashion, you aren't exactly going to mix in with the suburban crowd now are you? Sure, people (mortals) like to dress up like Dracula for Halloween but try pulling that in McAllen, Texas in the middle of summer and see how far you get before you hear the click of a double barrel shotgun.
(3) Invisibility: Vampires can't appear in photographs. False. Vampires can't cast a reflection in a mirror. False. Vampires can make themselves invisible. Sometimes. This is a tricky subject as some vampires have stronger abilities than others. Most vampires can choose to make themselves non-reflective in photographs and with mirrors but actually making yourself invisible takes a lot of physical and mental energy and can leave your drained and somewhat defenseless. Get rid of that concept of an Invisibility Cloak, that is Harry Potter fodder.
(4) Cats: Vampires don't like cats. Well, I know a lot of humans (mortals) that don't like cats. Its personal preference. A lot of this has to do with mummy's not liking cats - which is another fallacy that was based on Egyptian lore. Egyptians worshipped felines and often entombed them with their dead for companionship. It is said that mummies that were cursed feared the spirits of the cats as they were protectors. This has nothing to do with vampires so please, don't assume a vampire stole your kitty if it goes missing.
(5) Party Like A Rock Star: I have known some very intense vampires that could party with the professionals but eventually it takes its toll. There are certain human constraints that you are bound to; after all you are still inside a human body and if you suck down Red Bull and push your body to its limit, your flesh sack will start to decompose quicker than a body on the death farm.
(6) Time Travel: Good lord. Are we seriously still clinging to this misnomer? Darren Shan made mention of something close to time travel in his Cirque Du Freak series but had a much better explanation of it. It isn't time travel but rather the ability to move faster than the human (mortal) can comprehend. Some mortals do possess the power to see a vampire moving at lightening fast speed and those are usually the ones that become minions.
(7) You Have A Sexy Neck! It isn't a requirement to bite someone on the neck to bleed them or feed from them. Do you limit yourself to only using a fork or spoon to eat food? No. So why would vampires limit themselves to only the neck area. This goes back to those silly, sappy movies of a vampire seducing a woman. That alone has sold more gothic noir than any teen or tween vamp themed movie. Personally, the thigh is the best area to work with. It's meaty and in a somewhat private area so the fleshie (mortal) can go about his or her daily life without having people stare at them. If you thought a hickie was bad, imagine taking the subway with a huge gash in your neck.
(8) Verbosity: Most mortals think that vampires are highly educated. Some are but most benefit from hundreds of years of trial and error. Ever see a dog run into a sliding glass door when it sees a bird outside? The same thing happens with vampires. Make the same mistake over and over again and finally it sinks in. Don't feed off of those who are intoxicated, don't go running around blabbing that some hot chick turned you into a vampire and watch your manners when eating a steak in a restaurant. Some vampires can charm the pants off of anyone, that isn't something that is inherent to vamps - it's just that they've had years to perfect their con.
(9) Technologically Challenged: Think a vampire can Tweet on Twitter? You are so completely wrong. While the old school vampires often shun things like computers, cable television and microwaves the new breed embrace technology. It makes staying in contact a lot easier. Before you say, "But Freak, why can't they just use their mental powers to communicate?" If that was on your mind I invite you to step in a little closer so I can slap you. Stop watching and believing all those late night movies! If vamps used mental powers to communicate you would be hearing more voices than Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty". Modern vampires are also addicted to text messaging but I have to admit I am rather nauseated with their little iconic tags like "BYL" (bite you later) or "YSBINGW" (you suck but in a good way).
(10) No Sense of Humor: I will admit it, there are some creatures of the night that are just boring. They take everything way too seriously and if you crack a joke about them looking a little pale or what their favorite blood type is, they throw a royal fit. Thankfully most have a hearty sense of humor and don't get too uptight when fleshies crack a few jokes at their expense. One thing you don't want to do is get "touchy feely" with a vamp. Some really hate to be touched by anyone so a human encroaching on their personal space is enough to set them off.
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